By TM Garret Schmid
January 16,2026

I hate lying. Not that I’ve never done it. But I found that for myself it is so much easier to be either upfront or just keep things to myself rather than telling something untrue. It’s so much easier if you don’t have to remember what you told whom. And people will also know that you can be trusted. This is the selfish side of not lying. But since I also hate being lied to, I know how it feels. So, the ethical part in me gives me the even stronger reason why not to lie. Lying often happens to the disadvantage of the one who’s being lied to. But is saying the truth always the right thing to do?

Jeff And The Neighbor’s Lawnmower

Sometimes it seems better to say nothing, even when you are urged to “spill the beans.”
My rabbi once shared this perfect Talmudic style example that stuck with me. Three neighbors, Jeff, Jack, and John, live peacefully side by side. John goes on vacation and asks Jeff to watch his house. While John’s away, Jack borrows John’s lawn mower from the carport, mows his own grass, cleans it up, adds gas and oil, then puts it back exactly as found. John returns none the wiser.​
Now Jeff faces a dilemma: Tell John and risk being seen as a busybody or sparking a fight between friends? Or should he stay quiet and preserve the neighborhood harmony? Every choice spins out badly in Jeff’s mind, from accusations of theft to fractured friendships over nothing. The rabbi used this to show how silence can protect peace when truth might shatter it.​

White Lies to Avoid Shame

So what about white lies?​ I remember the time when a friend helped me out to repair the AC in my car. I agreed to drop the car at 8:00 am and when let him know when to pick me up from there. I overslept, missing it completely. In the meantime, my friend texted me to confirm. Instead of admitting my screw-up, I texted a half-truth: the shop wasn’t ready yet. No outright lie, but I dodged the full story to avoid an argument.​

We can see the parallel to the rabbi’s story. Telling my friend straight might’ve sparked frustration or a lecture on reliability. Silence felt like the Jeff option, keeping our working rhythm smooth. But that white lie lingered, a small knot reminding me how even “harmless” dodges erode trust over time.​

Truth’s Double-Edged Blade

Truth builds reliability, and even though I believe the physics behind our world are binary, our perception of reality is not. Philosopher Immanuel Kant argued lying is always wrong, even to a murderer asking your friend’s location.

But real life throws curveballs like the rabbi’s story, where disclosure could ignite needless conflict. A 2023 study from the University of Chicago found people tell about 1-2 lies daily, mostly “white lies” to spare feelings or avoid hassle, yet chronic deceivers report higher stress from memory juggling.​

What if truth harms more than helps?  I used to say that I am brutally honest. But this can fuel division. I’ve learned selective silence or omission often serves ethics better than raw facts. It’s like navigating traffic: Full speed ahead crashes everyone; yielding preserves the flow.​ That’s especially hard when you are a very direct person like I am, or when you are anxious that trusted people who know your white lies will hold them against you.

Why do white lies feel so necessary in the first place? Maybe we do it because we believe other people can’t handle reality. Like we’re all walking on eggshells, managing everyone else’s emotions as if they’re toddlers who’ll melt down if we say, “I can’t make it” without a four-paragraph explanation. But when I flip it, when someone tells me a simple “I can’t,” I respect that more than a guilt-soaked excuse.

Maybe the white lie isn’t protecting them. Maybe it’s protecting us from feeling like the bad guy for one honest minute. Maybe it isn’t the others who can’t handle the reality. Maybe it’s us, and maybe we fear a certain outcome and to protect ourselves we lie.

 And that’s the trap, because in trying to never be the villain in someone else’s story, we become unreliable in our own.

The Truth Can Be Uncomfortbale

The rabbi’s anecdote reveals wisdom in restraint, not deceit. White lies tempt as quick fixes, but they compound like unpaid bills. My lie about being late to get my AC repaired worked short-term but left me uneasy. Sure, it would have been best to pause and weigh outcomes, then choose transparency where possible or compassionate silence where needed. But it’s hard when the other side wants some kind of answer. It’s a struggle.

I am not alone with this. 2024 polls: 75% of workers white-lie bosses (SHRM), swapping “Traffic” for “Family issue.” Reddit’s r/AmItheAsshole overflows: “AITA for fibbing about my kid’s art?” Votes split.
Or when customers loathe delays; “Parts delay” beats “Personal meltdown.” What else should I do, I thought, the white lie doesn’t hurt anybody, but my own integrity. But what really happened is that I was avoiding an uncomfortable situation. A quick fix that justifies the future fallout.  

I learned that you don’t always have to explain everything just to make yourself feel safe. Tell the customer, your friend, your boss the facts. You can’t make it, or you’re late. Or you don’t have what is expected. Overexplaining makes the situation look even more suspicious even though it may make you feel safe for a moment.

Long term it is better to fix the situation by making up for it. Plan again and show up, instead of buying yourself short term comfort.

The Ethical Path Forward

At the end I keep coming back to that opener line – no need to juggle stories if you don’t spin them. The UChicago study hits hard: Chronic white liars stress out because every lie is like a mental Post-it. And they collect. And then you confuse them.

What if Jeff starts listing scenarios? What has he told whom? And after a while you can’t even remember what really happened because you start believing in your own lie, after hearing it so often. That’s not you being crazy. That’s your brain building neural pathways through repetition.

Say the truth or say nothing. Don’t spiral and trust yourself as the constant. You will be ok. Speak truth to power, hold it back from the innocent. In relationships, work, faith, this balance will create and foster genuine bonds. No perfect rule, just integrity. And when you have the next white-lie urge, just sit with the uncomfortable feeling and know you did the right thing.

Thoughts, criticism, or just want to learn more? E-Mail me at official.tmgarret@gmail.com – I’d love to hear from you.